What gives meaning to my life?

“What gives meaning to my life?” I asked myself many years ago. Blank. How can I not know? I came to Canada with a very clear, deeply rooted definition of  what gave meaning to one’s life. That definition simply crumbled one day. And there was nothing, a whole lot of nothing. I thought that what was true for me, was true for everyone else. Wait, what? Surely everyone must think in the same way, right?

Moxie was looking at the city we left behind. She sighed, as if she understood my unspoken question. “What gives meaning to her life?” I wondered. She is always happy. How on Earth does she do that?  What else have I seen in her? Undoubtely, there was playfulness, curiosity, connection with humans and animals, alertness, care, and love, so much love. Furthermore, I saw presence.

While she sat there, looking at the city, she was so peaceful and content. To me, it seemed as if she was one with the Earth. She belonged right there, on top of the hill, in that very moment. Suddenly, all else disappeared for me: the “have and have not”, the “should and should not”, the “could and could not”.

The mental noise in my head was simply gone. There was the silence of the hill and the two of us immersed in it. In that very moment, what gave meaning to my life was “presence”. Moxie came and laid down by my side, silently gazing at the tall downtown buildings. Sitting on the rock on top of Nose Hill, there was very little that mattered to me anymore.” The calmness of the Hill” I called it. Naturally, I thought “How can I pack up this moment and bring it with me in the real world, when I deal with stressful people or situations?”

“Detachment” Moxie said. “Just close your eyes and come back here, on the hill. Feel the feeling. Bring back the peace in your heart and simply be present. Full attention to the present moment. Shed the need to be right. Shed the need to see your way as the only way. The other one in front of you struggles too. Detach from the outcome you built in your head. Let it go with loving kindness and see what the moment brings.”

I opened my eyes and smiled. Next, I packed up the moment and gently placed it in my heart, ready to unpack it when the time comes. I was starting to re-write the definition of what gave meaning to my life. However, this time, it was not an inherited definition. It was one Moxie helped me discover: the definition that stemmed from my journey.